I guess I should say something about the recent election. Does it make you as sick as it makes me? I can accept that people like trump exist, but I cannot believe that they exist everywhere. I am heartbroken not at him, but at the own friends in my own corridors. I live with a friend who brightens my day even if he doesn’t understand privilege or social justice. But it changes everything – I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he voted for him. It’s so disgusting and dark. I am so scared. I am scared for the people of this country that are already in the shadows. We are a great country, but we are founded on deep pillars of injustice. I cannot pretend to ignore the suffering that is coming. I am so afraid. I am afraid for Muslims, who have already been the brunt of too much racism. I think of people like Moises, whose families are now in jeopardy. He is the worst possible reality I could imagine.how did we get this place of such darkness? How did so many people become so dark? Will there be a day when I am ready to fight?

Charge

Charging me as your last.
Your last and maybe you’re only.
Maybe you are only a child.
Maybe I never loved at all.
Solace fines as solace needs.
Pay me and broken promises and glass dollar bills.
Or chess pieces – I like the latter.
If I ignore you time and time maybe it’s time maybe it’s time maybe it’s time to listen to the silence!
One day I will be stronger.
One day I will do better things with my time.
Better and stronger better and stronger
one day I am going to be better and stronger!
Challenge me with my sadness.
It makes it more attainable.
I wouldn’t find you in the darkness.
I wouldn’t want to anyways.
You are not light.
But you are something human, and you are something beautiful. Enter my past and stay out of my present.
You are something beautiful that is not welcome anymore.
So please find another heart to occupy.
Understand my silence to say, “fuck you. ”
And take it with a grain of salt, because we all know how much I loved you.
But when you sent three messages and I neglect to reply don’t take it as an accident.
 

Drousy Solitude

Failing at existing
My eyes close for too many hours
I miss my appointments again
I am fighting losing battles
I tip my king again.
Drousy lonely person I am.
Finding solace in sleep.
Hours and hours of my life disapear
Lost in the abiss of drepression
Craving to break the solitude of my room
But instead I lock the door.
I can hear my roommates voices-
I wonder if each day they are as sad as me.
Even in waking I sleep

Airport Flow Of Thought

Black cushion seats, thank you.
Morning sun, I am happy to see you rise.
A cement cemetary surrounded by redwoods.
This is my first time at the Arcata airport.
“Ma’am I do not think you have a dog on your reservation”
Busted.
Didn’t think anyone would notice the pup in your carry on?
Alexia has made a blog!
A security guard searches for a phone.
Small airports are where it’s at.
There’s only one gate and two airlines.
You can go anywhere you want if it’s SF or PDX.
I’m the latter.
Heading to Portland in some route towards Palm Springs.

Self-Eval

Do you ever wonder if you are intelligent?
Sometimes my chess moves are just sacrifices.
I forget before I have even tried to learn.

I feel this way about slacklining too.
I think, “I have so much potential.”
Arrogance is met with lack of progress.
I learn my lesson quickly.

Humans minds are egotystically aware of themselves.
Intelligence we measure by our own consciousness.
Which may be biased too.
So we think, “I am so intelligent.”
But what do we really know about intelligence?

If you were brilliant,
You’d know by now.
Go to sleep.

Light and Dark

Tear streaks line the bags under my eyes
Last night I stared at the ceiling
Hoping that I could fall asleep
How could we have chosen him?
Crashing breaking screeching
The Canadian immigration website is down
My stomach feels like it’s digesting broken glass
Red everywhere.
We have lost something great.

My head is heavy in my hands.
We will be the future.
I am meant to fight.
This body, this mind, this path.
Light only shines when surrounded by darkness,
A friend once told me.

Yesterday.
Sunny beaches and crisp air was met with the dark reality of an election.
A phone call from someone who I thought would be a life long mentor.
A mentor that is dark and full of illusions.
I will not bow down to you any longer.
I can feel her darkness sinking in.
Poisonous lips on the other line.
I can hang up if I want to.
I know how to protect myself now.
You are darkness and I will not let you in.

I surround us in a ball of protective light.
Concentrating on the message,
Only love can enter.
I need this protection too.
I must say goodbye to my friend today.
What will I do without you?
I do not like expressing sadness,
But I have loved you too long.
A chain of rocks surround her belly.
Protecting her light.
A light that all can see,
and she is willing to share.
Even if people don’t deserve to be let in.
Let me protect you!
I will be light too!
Shouting again from the windowsill.

Small and defeated,
How can I sleep?
Trump is our president.
Someone who founded their campaign on the claim that
People from Mexico are rapists and murderers?
Why America, why?
A dark sea of red fills our government
Led by fear and hate.
You are all darkness!
Why is there so much darkness?

The ceiling offers no condolence.
Tomorrow I have so much due,
and I have to choose.
Where is it the most important that I am?
With her.
My last day to seek refuge in her presence.
My last day with her light.
I whisper spells of protection.
Energy is all I know of God.

Apathy is not the answer.
Silence is not the answer.
Everything in the fabric of my life
Has been preparing me to fight.
We are the future.
We are strong.
We are focused.