There are many directions to go. I stand with my hand shielding the sun from my eyes, squinting into the distance. I thought so seldomly of myself now before. Can I think of my future self now? I will myself to be focused, to be wise, to be kind. I hope I can make choices that will lead to a quality of thinking, a quality of work, a quality of life that I like.
I noticed that my work is often shallow. I blink here and there, tabs open, mind brazen, tasks unfinished. I find refuge in sleep. I avoid the few things I need to do, yet somehow can still articulate myself on a rush of adrenaline and appear much more together than I feel.
I will ruin things before they begin because of this mind set. I will bury my head in the sand instead of stepping up and leaning in. Now is the time to think of the future, Raleigh. Now is the time to be brave. Now is the time to be considerate, and choose to work the way you dream to.
I wonder what they’ll do to us, these pebbles that we cave our shoulders towards. They make us speak. They make us feel. They are possibly our greatest companion. A girl sits upright in a cart, following her mom’s hands as she examined leaves. “Can I have the phone back?” She asks in a voice still rich with play. But her eyes turned down and her shoulders caved when the device was returned to her. Technology must be pretty powerful to make a child’s arms go still. It’s the medicine every parent has been dreaming of.
My heart flutters
A coffee crash
How do I continue?
Organizing the week ahead
Leaves my eyes dim
A new street
A new breeze
Begets opportunity for change
I must decide to carry with me who I chose to be
And let go of the habits that haunt me.
I think the traveling I’m doing from now on will be like this- with an imminent purpose. I’ve been remembering that I love words. People are powerful with their voices here. Needs are urgent, and there is no time to be distracted. Through stories we heal, we remember, we reflect.
Hey there. My names Raleigh. My dreams and ambitions lie with words, with technology, with humans, and with love. I want to think about interesting problems. I want to use my attention for good.
We arrived in a brisk New York framed with shadows bouncing off buildings.
Am I willing to care about issues that are significant? I’m listening to a lot of people from around the world speak on pressing issues, but am I really learning? Is my mind narrow and selfish or worldly and service-oriented? Will I always be driven by my limbic mind?
11. 13. 13
Shine and rise.
A thousand words is worth a picture,
But blind is love
To rooms with elephants.
In the time of nick,
Minds alike thought greatly,
So mighty and high.
I wake without a reflection
Settled is the mind so far from home
Nothing and everything
Eyes sealed shut
Am I moving or am I still?
I challenge the stars
And wake with a black eye.
They’re laughing at me!
I wonder what it feels like to love a daughter. One who never saw herself grow. She’ll never know how many shoes you bought her. She’ll never know how year-by-year you watched her. She’ll never know your nights of worry. What if she wanders too far? too carelessly? what if there’s a time I’m not there to catch her when she falls? You protected her, until she no longer was small enough to be held. You protected her, even as she strode away. She must remember that it is from you she was created. She must know you have loved her for more years than she remembers. Hopefully, she won’t be careless with that sacred life of hers. Golden is the light you’ve given her. Stay alive, dear one.