To Love a Daughter

5.23.18

I wonder what it feels like to love a daughter. One who never saw herself grow. She’ll never know how many shoes you bought her. She’ll never know how year-by-year you watched her. She’ll never know your nights of worry. What if she wanders too far? too carelessly? what if there’s a time I’m not there to catch her when she falls? You protected her, until she no longer was small enough to be held. You protected her, even as she strode away. She must remember that it is from you she was created. She must know you have loved her for more years than she remembers. Hopefully, she won’t be careless with that sacred life of hers. Golden is the light you’ve given her. Stay alive, dear one.

Lost Time

9.13.17

An empty journal
22 years of forgotten memories
Again, I won’t remember today.
A missed exercise,
a forgotten goal,
Grit slipping through numb fingers.
I won’t pretend I’ll be able to return.
I feel asleep most days
Like I’m in a body made of clay.
I’m a stranger to the mirror.
Was it you who chose this path?
Is there such a thing, as a choice?
And how could you have known…
You were so wrong about me.
We have too much to lose,
it’s too far to turn back,
so we carry our selves deeper.

Lost in a misty mess of never ending vines,
carrying firewood,
I colapse,
giving up.
I cry to the world begging for a path,
I’ve been lost for four hours!
I finally begin back the way I came,
Only to find the trail 20 meters away.

Skin and Dirt

05.10.17

Trekked barefoot through sticks and snow
My skin broke but my spirit held
Rocks of gold and silver
Now a part of me.
Light even in the mud
Steen green hillsides sprout wildflowers
At the base of white glaciers
Framed by tree tops
I once left only to go
My bag rubs red pelts into my shoulders.
Rocks merge with blood.
Butterflies land on plastic bags
Yet
Holy miracle of water
Dipping into effervescent warmth
My skin is cleansed
My head spinning
My toes soft.

Fading Hearts

11.14.16

I’ll always love those I’ve loved
Even if I cross the street to avoid them.

But a note to self,
Make sure the words “I love you”
aren’t him saying “I own you”
Make sure the hand on you,
isn’t claiming a prize.

I sometimes wonder how
Much I exist
In other people’s minds.

I want to love
so deeply
That we still stroke each other’s faces
When we are old.

I wonder if my grandparents hold each other
And whisper words of love
Or if too many years
Have hardened their hearts
And left the other as an enemy?

Three Feet Tall

11.14.16

Hand in hand
How long have you remembered me?
We are as we always were
Inseparable
Striped shirts and black pants
I love you, my best twin!
Golden child.
Eager to love.
You know what to do when I am leaving.
Make the goodbye quick so it will be okay.
Cherish the days together.
I’ll remember falling asleep next to you.
Company is love’s messenger
Side by side-
I am happy
I am so happy.
Glowing heart I know,
How long I have remembered you.
Grateful that you remember me too.