I went to a pool party next to the rose bowl last night. I noticed some differences from the parties I am used to. People were very fashionable and there was a lot of color in clothing choice as well as diversity level. Conversations were harder though- there seemed to be an overall level of ego that everyone had. Usually at humboldt i feel like everyones generally super easy to talk to. I’m glad I’m developing in such an open and embracive community- but it also reminded me that there are a lot of social unspoken rules that exist, and even if I dont decide to abide by them its a good idea to be aware. In LA i think everyone (generalization) is hyper aware of these social rules- which is no fun because it leads to taking yourself too seriously, which is the overall vibe i got.
Our generation’s identity is so projected into social media and others perceptions of them, I wonder who we are without the smoke and mirrors. We are used to investing energy into our public image, and our true image reflects a lack of attention. Progress is slow on my part, but to actualize the vision of myself I have as an adult, I will need to retrain many of my habits, including:
- Disconnecting my self image with social media and shallow attributes like beauty, and reconnecting with my individual self image in my free time. This would include motivations of just to do things because I want to, and growing without any external influences.
- Altheticism: Pushing myself to new pysical heights by working out to the point of exhaustion and not just giving up or being lazy
- Reading: I want to choose knowledge over social media. This is a big battle for me because I have had a bad habbit of hardly reading in the past few years, and that is not indicative of the educated adult I want to be.
- Creativity: writing and drawing and expressing myself creatively in my free time every day.
- Work: Create lists and visions and goals with clear deadlines. Be willing to put in more work than needed, always overestimate and be willing to push yourself to work harder to reach your expections.
It is not difficult to make these choices. I need to make them so I can progress to larger battles. I can be a voice of such laziness and stuborness at times. Battling that voice is unproductive and unhinging. I am ready to leave that behind.