“God, I think it’s work. I hate it. I’m so busy all the time that when I actually deal with people I act crazy.” I was confiding in my roommate. It was bad. I mean, that feeling of unease around someone. I don’t know if it’s hormones because he’s cute or there’s something there I should listen to. I know what it’s not. (Lesson learned last time, if someone makes you crazy, that DOESN’T mean it’s love).
I was on campus, working and going to school from 8:30 AM to 8:00 PM. This isn’t the first 12 hour day I pulled this week. Actually, the way my schedule is set up this year I’m doing 12 hour days every day, not counting school work. Yeah that sounds crazy. That can’t be good for my soul.
Anywho, it’s not. And I knew it when I first arrived. Immediately awkward and silent, struggling for conversation. What, are you two years old? I thought to myself. We went to his friends house for dinner and the anxiety subsided pretty quick. None the less, only around him it was still there. I’m sure it’s a common thing, to feel totally flustered around someone you like. It just surprises me because I haven’t felt like that in a while. Well not like this at least.
We played some domino games and between cheers it was all pretty great. I really like these two friends we were spending time with.
Then the night came to a close and we were heading back home with the intent of homework and we teetered around my car. “Well, (i don’t remember but it was awkward small talk” and then he said “Can I kiss you?”. Which was an awkward question and I said “Uh sure” which was an awkward response. Wow, there’s got to be a better word than awkward, but then again, it’s appropriate.
I tried to make a joke? I think? All that came out right before he kissed me was a loud “Hello” and I don’t know why but it was a total face palm and awkward, but kinda great and made me laugh.
I’m pretty awkward. That’s kinda cute. I guess it’s better to feel too much than to not feel at all. Just wish I could steady my mind a bit.