His shoulders slump next to me and I feel alone for the first time since last night. Who is this girl that awkwardly fumbles to hold his hand? And has a few short breaths of words to say? Am I tinted by the shades of what I think he expects in me? Or Am I not bold enough to truly honor and trust who I am to be enough. I want to be the girl who isnt afraid and always has something to say- how I am with my own family. A relationship with someone else should not be stronger than the one within yourself. I cant hear my voice over all the clutter of shoulds and would bes. Are those my own or foreign? I cant tell the difference anymore and thats the most frusturating part. I trust him more than I trust myself. Maybe because I know him more than I know myself. I9, and a stranger to the one person who shouldn’t be. I wonder if relationships take away from my self journey, if I am struggling to stand on my own because I have had the luxury of leaning.