Crawling

Asleep with my eyes open.
Barred by the pain
I am imprisoned in my bed.
Laying still hoping the days pass
Or this body sentence will end.

I am so alone.
I am reminded by the words that she fills my lips with.
I cannot remember a time when I didn’t fantasize about dying.
It seems so much better than to live.

IBprofen doses make my mind foggy.
Google searches include “lethal dose”
241.
“I took a whole bottle and it didn’t work” A reddit user confessed.
That would only be 52.
You’d need to have 5 bottles handy.
Mistakes just cause stomach bleeding.

I want to die so badly.
I have hated everyone who’s ever loved me.

I have no passions. no goals. no desires.
I traveled the world,
but all I felt was the same- consumed by my sadness.
No borders allowed me to escape the familiar screaming inside.
Looking off the edge of buildings wondering if I was brave enough to jump.

I want to die so badly.
How horrible and selfish and lazy-
To destroy those who have invested so fully into you.
To run away from living.

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